something

i figured i should write something.

i have some ideas in my head for real posts, but blogging is funny - i have to be in the right mood, or i just wont do it.

i'm in the mood now, but not for anything serious - i need to go to bed.

i've been having a strange, sluggish week. i've been throwing clothes around my room every single day - and not even in the kind of way that pricks me with guilt. i genuinely don't care that i can't see my little couch anymore. it's bizarre.

i've started watching gray's anatomy from the beginning. i decided to do in on a whim and i really believe that it has something to do with my disappointment regarding the zero romance that goes on in my life. i don't want to talk about it, but don't judge me, either. i'm only 1.1 seasons in, but it doesn't seem so bad, especially when i compare the amount of questionable content to the amount of satisfaction i get from the lit up faces of actors.

my household now includes 4 people, 5 guitars, and 1 bearded dragon.

i've discovered luna bars. they're great.

i applied for a job a few weeks ago. i haven't heard anything.

i think i've turned my back on grad school, at least for now. i've gotten to know several grad students (that'll happen, here in the triangle), and they all say the same thing - don't go to grad school unless there's no other way to do what you want to do. if i do it just because i think it's a better option than what i'm doing now, and that it will probably open up more professional opportunities, i'll just end up hating my life. well, great. finding a graduate program, though challenging, seems easier to me than finding a better job.

i do want a better job. i like where i work, and most days i even like what i do there, but there are still those days that make me feel like a first-grader in a kindergarten classroom. the one perk of that scenario would be that, as a first grader in a kindergarten classroom, i would probably be the star student. my real-life situation provides no such silver lining. let's just say that this particular teacher(s) aren't easily impressed.

i don't really think i'm too good for the job that i have, if that's the impression that i'm giving. i don't. i'm a 24 year-old humanities major. let's be serious. i think it has more to do with the time that i've spent there and the the fact that i haven't heard so much as one "you're good at what you do," or "we're glad you're here" from the powers that be. it just makes me feel that i haven't accomplished anything and then begs the question: what i am working toward?

that's some days. other days, i'm blissfully happy with my life and kick myself for not just having a better attitude. i really should just have a better attitude, for everyone's sake.

well, hopefully there will be more to come soon. i can't bear to look at my dismal google analytics stats anymore...