even though i was at church last week, for some reason it felt like a long time away. the feeling i get when i go to church for the first time in a little while is kind of like the feeling i used to get in college when i pulled up to my parents' house, or entered the city of manchester. it's a feeling of homecoming, a feeling of familiarity, the absence of needing to prove myself or explain myself. it doesn't have to be dramatic, but it certainly is pleasant.
it was while singing a song tonight that an interesting analogy popped into my head. (i like those.) the refrain of the song spoke of freedom. now, here i am, feeling all homey and singing about freedom, when my mind drifts to a night club. don't ask me, i'm often just a spectator in my own head. i began to think about how my being in my own life, is like a married dude at a night club.
the married dude is at this night club, and he may be very participative - having a few drinks and doing the robot, but his goal is largely different than that of most other men there. other men may be anxious about trying to meet someone to date, or even just take home, but the married dude is free to just take everything in and enjoy himself, knowing that he has already found a permanent version of what everyone else is looking for. as the night wears on, the other men may become more anxious about leaving alone (as some of you women may have noticed, men are much more bold as closing time approaches...), but our married dude is as loose as a goose.
this is how i feel. i live my life. i love my life. i participate in the world around me. however, i have no cause for anxiety, because i've found what so many others spend their whole lives looking for: purpose, and the confidence that comes with being unconditionally loved by the One who created me carefully.